Final Stretch

Many people look at walking away from uncomfortable situations as giving up.

At times, us as normal human beings, we often need to leave situations to refocus ourselves and build ourselves back up. If we are going through a hard time in our lives and we need an escape it is okay to leave.

About 8 months ago I chose to walk away from something I truly loved. I am the type of girl who enjoys going to school everyday and learning. I love to socialize with people and learn new things. There came a time where I knew I needed to leave the environment of public school to learn who I was and refocus my life on what truly mattered. Although I felt like I was just giving up, I needed to do it for myself.

A lot of the days home I chose to be alone because I felt that is what would benefit me the most in the end. I chose to audition for many summer camps so that I would be able to get away and spend a few weeks doing what I love. My mom then allowed me to get a puppy because that was all I wanted to make me happy. We brought in this sweet puppy that did not only lift me up, but my entire family.

A few months went by and it was time for me to go away to UNCSA for 5 weeks. These five weeks helped me to realize how okay I was and that I was able to deal with social situations perfectly fine. Although the camp was physically and mentally demanding, I came back feeling stronger than ever. I came back wanting to go back to public school because I feel I am ready. I felt like I needed to finish what I started. I had a need to go to my last first day of school at the school I’ve been going to since I was 5.

Our parents did not have the luxury of being able to do cyber school when times were rough. I had the luxury of not only being cyber schooled but being able to travel and have the time of my life these past 8 months.

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Many of us go through this period in our life where things are very difficult and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to leave a rocky environment, and then go away to refocus my life on what I truly love. I can not believe I chose to go back to this place that I thought I would never step foot into again, but things change. We never stop growing and we never stop learning.

This is the final stretch of my life before I go on to completely focusing on my career and I could not be more excited for all that it has to bring.

Girls Need to Support Girls

Many of us sit in bed at night wishing we had a partner in crime,

another women to stand by our side.

Many of us look at other women wishing they would be our friend,

not realizing our greatest friend is the women who raised us.

Behind each and every one of us is a tribe. A tribe of other women who have our back.

Walking through life day by day, we come across our friends, our mothers, our grandmothers, and other important women in our life. These women often are our mentors who guide us on where to look in life, but they let us see as we wish.

Some people look at many other women as competition in today’s society. Stepping back and viewing other women as allies rather than opponents can change an individuals journey through life.

We often underestimate the power of a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Building one another up, we learn to live in unison.

Coming together as a whole to grow, we form a community of women.

 

Summer 2016

I have come to the conclusion of my junior year of high school. I have completed three performances throughout the school year that have now brought me to what I have been most excited for. Last December I performed in the Nutcracker, early this spring I preformed in Cinderella, and just this past weekend I performed in my studios annual recital. Through these past months I took classes in New York City and went to many auditions for different summer intensives to take part in during my summer of 2016. In a little over two weeks I will be leaving for University of North Carolina School of Arts Comprehensive Dance Intensive. Many HS students would think of summer as the time to hang out with there friends and have fun, but dance is my passion. Having a good summer from my point of view is the idea of dancing the majority of the time. I will be spending 5 weeks in North Carolina dancing for many hours each day, building my technique in the art I love. I am very enthused to be expanding my horizons in the art of dance. Besides the dancing, I am excited to meet new people and live a life in a different city. When returning from UNCSA I will continue my dance education at my local dance studio preparing for my college auditions beginning in September. I am very privileged to be going away for the majority of my summer to do what I love. I am very excited to see what the future will bring.

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No two people live life in the same way as the person next to them. How are you going to judge someone when it is not your life?

I overanalyze every situation I am put into. I think of every way I can respond if something is said to me. All for one reason, I am scared as to what will happen if I am not prepared for something.

I walk into a public setting and see the people that make me feel uncomfortable. My entire body gets shaky and then my legs feel numb. I have no reason to be worried, but my mind can not help but think about what may happen.

I sit at home alone and hear a faint voice inside my head as I go along with my day. Telling me to not do something or to stop thinking about the same thing I have been pondering for the past 6 months.

Everyday, the stress would weigh me down making me feel like I would never be okay. I hated being the girl with health issues in fear that everyone around me would judge.

Through a lot of work in a way that is not the easiest to explain I overcame the struggles in my life that most people could never understand.

Learning to live in the present rather than the past was the most difficult thing to learn how to do. People are still gonna talk and say what they want but it is learning to figure out how to not let it bother me and I overcame that battle.

Life is never going to be an easy walk in the park, but you live and you learn and the thoughts in your head that kill you become muted.

Having a Positive Outlook

Many of us look at our days with such negativity. We wake up and say to ourselves “oh it’s just another day” or “here we go again” and these phrases are so pessimistic. Instead of being so negative we should think positively. Having a positive outlook on your life can do a lot for your mood.

If we were one of the whos from whoville we would have a different view on negative circumstances. When the Grinch came down and stole all of the presents, they did not let them ruin Christmas for them. Instead, on Christmas morning the whos came and sang. Although negative things happen in life it is very healthy to view it from a different angle and turn it into a positive.

How many of you wake up each morning counting down the days till Friday? Going to school or work just to talk about the party this weekend or how you can not wait to be home and isolate yourself from society. The best of us feel this way but we don’t have to. Many of us forget to live in the moment and are too busy worrying about the future than enjoying the current day. Wake up and smile because it’s another day to live and another day to accomplish the objectives we set for ourselves. Enjoy the day, put your phone down, and talk to your family. Your family will care about how you feel more than the people of twitter will.

No one can make you see your life in a different way but it all starts with you. You decide whether you’re going to smile today. You decide how to spend your day. Whether you choose to live in the front row, or the the third row make it the best row you would ever dream of.

Aware of the Unspoken

A world with optimism still has the ability of constantly leaving an uneasy feeling in your body. I will never understand why the best people get treated the worst. I will never understand why so many mishaps happen to the best people . Everyday someone is curious as to why something happened. A loved one is withdrawn from your life, your whole world feels desolated. You break a bone and your athletic career is over, your life becomes isolated from hope.

It is shocking to the human eye when you see someone smiling after they just lost one of the most influential people in their life. Walking through life with a smile, treating the deserved ones so kindly, and being a commendable person overall. Is it simple to live a challenging life with no spite? Is it simple to sail through life without shedding a single tear?

You wake up one day expecting to live another typical day. You have breakfast, you leave for school; you come home to the most heartbreaking news of your existence. You swallow the tears and it doesn’t hit you till you’re laying in bed at night. You realize you just lost the most important person in your life; you don’t even know what to do with yourself. The following days consist of waking up and just wanting to fall back asleep and worry about nothing.

Sitting at a viewing, holding back this overwhelmed feeling of sadness trying to keep yourself stable for your loved ones around you. You don’t realize it but lilies fill the room. Representing the innocence of the one who left your side. In a world with an unexplainable amount of misfortune it is necessary to keep that purity and majesty of ones life. All you wish for is that person to be back in your life. They no longer get to see you grow up or see your kids grow up; who knew this day would come so soon.

Typical day at practice and you feel the worst pain radiate through your foot. Your coach quickly recognizes the pain in your face and in that same moment you have this feeling you can no longer play the sport that keeps you sane. Why do some have to live without some of the most simple things in life that make them so happy.

Everyday an incident happens to thousands, or even millions of people throughout this world. Living in a world with so much fear a smile can cover it all. Who knew the happiest girl/boy walking through school was suffering from one of the most heartbreaking experiences right in front of your own eyes?

A letter to my future self 

I do not know how to start this because it is irregular writing to a person who will have the same skin and bones but a slightly altered mindset; also known as me. The first question I ultimately want to know is, how are you? I hope to be reading this again when I have graduated college and am on to living the dream I have always wished for.

I hope you enjoyed college although you danced the entire time and feel like your body can no longer move. You were probably very focused in your studies and never had too much fun in the evening hours because you were more interested in waking up hangover free. Well, hopefully you did not get injured throughout college and if you did then you are probably onto the business side of the arts. No matter what I hope you love what you are doing.

Maybe by now you have found your soulmate and you have your life figured out because since 16 you’ve been saying you are ready to live the “adult life.” At least at 16 you no longer wanted 18 kids like you did when you were 8 years old. Although you may not have figured your life out and may not be settled down, don’t lose hope. Finding your future husband may have been an unrealistic thought for a young adult coming out of college, but you most likely have encountered a few heartbreaks by now. Don’t let that get you down because your parents have showed you there is hope; that one day you will find true love. Do you remember how your grandpa told you to choose wisely before you get married? Well if you don’t you are now remembered because grandpa always knew best. The rest of your family always wanted the best for you too, never forget that.

Now that you have a degree leading you to the profession you have chosen, most importantly I hope that you are happy. I hope you have moved on from the high school drama that always seemed to make you feel as your past would forever haunt you. I wish you the best with all your future endeavors. Remember to be your own person, with your own thoughts, and your own views.

The last question I would like to ask is, do you feel you made it? When reading this in 2021 I hope you respond and title it “A letter to a younger me.” A younger me with an old soul and a lot of hope in a world full of suffering and overcoming.

High Life

Every once in awhile we all still come across a gloomy day. After a few months of refocussing my life, I am extremely content. Leaving a public school was the best thing for me. I see life differently and appreciate life much more than I ever have.

Dance and music helps to keep me sane. Without these two components in my life, I do not know where I would be. Focusing on working hard in the studio and at home has distracted my mind from the negatives of society. I have been auditioning for many dance programs and will be spending five weeks at the University of North Carolina for the comprehensive dance intensive. In an upcoming performance of Cinderella I will be performing as the roll of the Fairy Godmother.

Along with dance being one of the most supportive getaways in my life, family and friends have helped. Between my immediate family, to the extended, and friends, I have had one of the greatest support systems. We all wish everyday can be full of happiness, but unfortunately that will never be the case. With many individuals supporting me I have grown to be more kind and mentally/physically healthy.

I am thankful for everyday and every individual that has come through my life. Without the challenges I have experienced I would not be the person I am today. Proud to say I have come this far and I have learned to love myself and be happy as my own individual.

 

Social Media

Around three o’clock you would come home and you’d have no phone or lap top. You spend time with your family, go outside, or play and do your homework, but things have changed. In todays society with this space age device you come home around 3 and the first thing you do is go on twitter to cloud your mind with the destructive words different individuals feel the need to say about “the girl/ boy they hate.” The teens of todays society seem to be more interested in the drama than making a life for themselves. Endless hours each night losing sleep because they are more interested in sharing their personal lives with the world than enjoying the moment in which they live.

Lets take a look into what it is like to be the person being attacked. Some people understand that what others say is irrelevant to them but what about the people that don’t know how to handle the hostility. Logging into twitter you begin to see the one tweet directly toward you followed by an endless amount of subtweets. People are talking about all your flaws and its causing you to feel more insecure than you initially did. Individuals judge and use passive aggressive behavior to try and bring your self esteem down. While you are sitting behind that computer screen with tears rolling down your face you are left speechless.

The words of others begin to become how you think of yourself. This idea of going on twitter to be inconsiderate of ones feelings is inappropriate. It is time to do more than just sit on social media each night “roasting” people because it is entertaining.

Take a step back and analyze your life. Are people really succeeding in their own life to the absolute fullest by talking about others? We all make mistakes therefore everyone judging each other is not ethical. Life is not fair, but spending time hurting others emotionally can do an extreme amount of unforeseen damage. It is time to step away from the computer and spend time with family. Learn to have the ability to enjoy spending  time by yourself. Be able to sit alone in a quiet room without feeling depressed or alone. Go out into the real world and meet people. Experience and enjoy life to the absolute fullest instead of consistently hiding behind a screen and keyboard criticizing people on the choices they have made in their own lives.

Through the Eyes

Everything that happens in our life shapes us to be the people we are today. Whether most of the experiences we have are negative or positive, we should appreciate life for what it is because we would not be the people we are today if the event never happened. Take the tears and turn them into smiles. Be happy that we have learned so many great lessons and that it shaped us all into being honorable individuals.

Unaware of the world, a little girl who once was very shy but very pleased by the components to life became appalled with the true issues of society. Through pictures and memories one can interpret the life of a child in their adolescent years. In this picture when you take your first glance you would not think much. When you look through the eyes of this little girl, a world appears much more innocent than it turns out to actually be.

An innocent girl with a young mind and nimble body who didn’t know what the world would be like — the world was no more than her family and home. You see a little girl and don’t think about what her life will be like in the future. You live in the moment and wish they would stay young. You see a little girl and she becomes me.  All she wants to do is go back to that little girl that didn’t know how scary the world could be.

Looking at this picture, you would see a girl that seems peaceful, that has no worries in life. Life is much more difficult than I could have ever imagined: a life with so many people and so many opportunities to be grateful for.  There is always something that is still capable of depressing you. Walking around with what feels like a world of monsters is not pleasing. The young girl that you see in this picture appears to be pleased by life and she truly was, always happy, attached to her mom’s side, and extremely aware of the world.

Till this day I find complete comfort by my mom’s side. She is the only person that always cares for me and loves me unconditionally. When life gets hard and friends become enemies my mom is always my go to. Being happy isn’t always the easiest thing. Looking at that little girl you would never think she would be depressed and have so many problems in life. The big question was:  did society do that to her or was she always that person? Girls are mean. Life is not easy. Unfortunately a mom cannot protect you from all the bad aspects of life. As I grew a little older I realized that no one is worth a tear.  Being happy and being yourself is the only way to make it in this world.

Being extremely aware of the world helped me develop who I was as a person. I am very inquisitive and notice everything. I am always looking around.  I am always listening to what people have to say. Life has been a little easier for me. I am always trying to understand where people are coming from. If someone tries to cause any conflict in my life and we do not get along, I try and let it go. I will not always get along with people but I will always be there for an old friend in need. In a world with so many monsters constantly on your back you always have to be the bigger person.

In the eyes of a young girl life is simple. No fear of the world and constantly happy. One day that switch flipped and this little girl became depressed and scared of what everyday life had to bring. I learned to stand up for myself and always be the best I could be. Through the mornings of not being able to get out of bed and wanting nothing to do with the world I eventually can say “I get it.” I understand why things happen. I understand life and why people are so hurtful. Until there are no monsters in the world I will always have a fear for life but that makes you who you are as a person.