Uncoordinated to Finding Balance

Through the process of auditioning that still seems to never diminish, I have decided to attend University of North Carolina School of Arts Summer Dance Intensive this summer. As a young girl I never expected to even get as far as I have. I have a long way to go, but this is a start. Over the years dance has grown to be my greatest love. Dancing at MPAC, my dance teachers helped me immensely to improve the skills I need to help me accomplish the goals I have set for myself. Dance is one of the only things that has the aptitude to make me content. I took a break from dance in the past and my dance teacher told me, “I would be back”. She has never been more right because I could never live without dance. Dance has helped me through the hard times and stayed with me through the good. Hours a week dedicated to dance, a healthy diet, a focused mind, and many aches/pains never fail to make me smile. With the help of my mentors, family, and friends I have accomplished one of my many goals. I hope to major in dance at the collegiate level and add business into my studies. From a young girl that appeared to be uncoordinated to a teen with potential, I hope to fulfill my goals in the profession of dance.

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Ridin’ Solo

For the first time I traveled as an independent teen. I had two weeks off from school and with nearly nothing to do I decided I wanted to travel to Myrtle Beach to hang out with my Titi Linda & Uncle Manuel. On Tuesday, January 19th I traveled from a small town of Pennsylvania to Laguardia Airport with my brother. Arriving after a 4 hour drive that should have been no longer than 2 hours my brother left me. I went through security without any hassle. After an hour and a half hour flight I arrived in Myrtle Beach to be greeted by my Aunt.

Today was the day I was planning to go home. Winter storm Jonas decided to come through the Northeast. Now I am stuck in Myrtle Beach until Wednesday. It is certainly not a terrible thing to be stuck in SC with my aunt and uncle. Having a lot of fun the past few days I have been working on a 2,000 piece puzzle that causes many headaches. To get away from the stress of the puzzle we go for walks at the beach. I have been having a lot of fun and can not wait for the rest of the days that I am spending here in Myrtle Beach, SC.

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Through the Eyes

Everything that happens in our life shapes us to be the people we are today. Whether most of the experiences we have are negative or positive, we should appreciate life for what it is because we would not be the people we are today if the event never happened. Take the tears and turn them into smiles. Be happy that we have learned so many great lessons and that it shaped us all into being honorable individuals.

Unaware of the world, a little girl who once was very shy but very pleased by the components to life became appalled with the true issues of society. Through pictures and memories one can interpret the life of a child in their adolescent years. In this picture when you take your first glance you would not think much. When you look through the eyes of this little girl, a world appears much more innocent than it turns out to actually be.

An innocent girl with a young mind and nimble body who didn’t know what the world would be like — the world was no more than her family and home. You see a little girl and don’t think about what her life will be like in the future. You live in the moment and wish they would stay young. You see a little girl and she becomes me.  All she wants to do is go back to that little girl that didn’t know how scary the world could be.

Looking at this picture, you would see a girl that seems peaceful, that has no worries in life. Life is much more difficult than I could have ever imagined: a life with so many people and so many opportunities to be grateful for.  There is always something that is still capable of depressing you. Walking around with what feels like a world of monsters is not pleasing. The young girl that you see in this picture appears to be pleased by life and she truly was, always happy, attached to her mom’s side, and extremely aware of the world.

Till this day I find complete comfort by my mom’s side. She is the only person that always cares for me and loves me unconditionally. When life gets hard and friends become enemies my mom is always my go to. Being happy isn’t always the easiest thing. Looking at that little girl you would never think she would be depressed and have so many problems in life. The big question was:  did society do that to her or was she always that person? Girls are mean. Life is not easy. Unfortunately a mom cannot protect you from all the bad aspects of life. As I grew a little older I realized that no one is worth a tear.  Being happy and being yourself is the only way to make it in this world.

Being extremely aware of the world helped me develop who I was as a person. I am very inquisitive and notice everything. I am always looking around.  I am always listening to what people have to say. Life has been a little easier for me. I am always trying to understand where people are coming from. If someone tries to cause any conflict in my life and we do not get along, I try and let it go. I will not always get along with people but I will always be there for an old friend in need. In a world with so many monsters constantly on your back you always have to be the bigger person.

In the eyes of a young girl life is simple. No fear of the world and constantly happy. One day that switch flipped and this little girl became depressed and scared of what everyday life had to bring. I learned to stand up for myself and always be the best I could be. Through the mornings of not being able to get out of bed and wanting nothing to do with the world I eventually can say “I get it.” I understand why things happen. I understand life and why people are so hurtful. Until there are no monsters in the world I will always have a fear for life but that makes you who you are as a person.

Familia

Squad. Clique. Team. Crew.

Who does your squad consist of? What clique are you a part of?

What team do you belong to? What crew do you associate with?

The bond between a family is like no other. Your mom teaches you everything there is to know about becoming a women. Your dad teaches you all the ways a man should respect you. And in my case, your brother teaches you what it is like to have a best friend that will never leave your side. Not everyone has the same components that make up their family. Whether it is a single parent, grandparent, caretaker, etc, is todays generation putting more value into their squad than their family?

The greatest gift of life is family, and on August 18th I received just that. The people I would run to and tell all the exciting things I have accomplished guided me and became my clique. The first time I fell and really scraped my knee my dad was there to make me feel better. The first time I really felt accomplished in dance I ran to my mom to thank her and told her we made it. There is no better feeling than having family around you to make you feel like more than just a person. More than just a person with skin and bones and too big of a heart.

When you think about a typical brother and sister, you think about the siblings that bicker and rarely get along. Well, my brother and I are the exact opposite of the norm, but it did not seem like it would have been that way. I will never forget the story of my brother wanting to name me Angelica from the Rugrats because he did not want to have a sister. He held me in the hospital for the first time and “I gave him” a toy car that he still remembers until this day, but who knew?

Who knew my brother would be the one going to Turkey Hill with me to get snacks and come back home to talk, the one laughing with me, or crying with me depending on the day? Who knew that my mom would be there to help me achieve my goals, deal with all my insecurities, and mostly be by my side indisputably every step of the way? Who knew my dad would be teaching me how to change lightbulbs, teaching me to drive, and teaching me how to be an independent young lady that one day would resemble her mother?

16 years after the day I was born, I spend the majority of my time with my family. I look forward to the moment my mom gets home from work in the evenings so I can spend time with her or the chats I have with my brother even though I continuously keep telling him I am almost done talking. Although I love spending time with my mom and brother I love texting my dad before I go to bed while he is at work because he never fails to show me that family is everything.

The people that I began my first few days of life with became everything to me. My family consists of my three best friends and I would not change that for the world. Through the good days and the bad each one of us always will have our family to fall back on. A small team of four that has a bond like no other.

Remember what crew truly has your back. Remember the value of the people who never left your side. Remember to find the beauty in familia.

Seeing the Light

Another day. I began my day around 6:30, dreading what seemed to be just another day. Sitting on my bed. Tears running down my face. Trying to congregate the confidence to walk into school or should I call it my worst nightmare. I put on a dress and boots to make myself appear presentable. Then comes the makeup which clouds the imprints left from the tears. I progressively try to hold back the tears; the tears that never seem to cease. I gather my necessities for school, ready to conquer what felt like one of the hardest days of my life. Little did I know it was not just going to be hard; it was painful. Feeling as if someone just punched you in the heart and wanting to fall to floor, that is a crisis that seems to crush someones morale more than anything.

Walking through the doors into four walls that held every memory that was traumatic enough to make my body weak and my ego fragile. For ten seconds I walk in complete silence with my head down, then the hushed hallway ends and I step through the imaginary doorway where the overwhelmed feeling of humiliation produces. The four minutes that it takes for me to go to my locker and back to my classroom feels like an endless burden. I step into my class, but only to take attendance before I approach one of the most challenging components of my day for me mentally.

Throughout the last few months all I have wished for was to stay strong. It was not to convince inconsiderate people that what they did not affect me but to prove to myself that I was as strong as people see me to be. It was not that I wanted to let other people down. It was for me to know that there was more to this world than days full of horrifying experiences.

Slowly walking through the halls where I see everyone. I see the people I could have never imagined turning on me. Looking left tears fill my eyes. Looking forward the tears dry. The sight of people that I thought were gonna be my friends infinitely pierced my heart. Swallowing my tears consistently and finishing a walk to my class that felt endless. I thought I had made it. I sat down and began my work.

I assumed the hardest part of the day had concluded. It was time to focus my mind on something besides the endless drama, breathe through the stress of the moment, and begin the school-work that somehow made me content. Sitting in my favorite class I came to the realization that I could not walk through the halls with tears in my eyes anymore. In that exact minute the tears that seemed to never stop began to trickle down my face. Within minutes I had texted my mom and she sent my dad to get me.

The phone rang. Who knew this would be the last time I was dismissed from class. I stood up and smiled when my name was called because I never have felt more relief. Walking through the quiet halls tears began to roll down my cheeks once again. I saw my dad standing in the office and I had a gut feeling that this was it. This was the last time I would ever walk through the halls of High School.

Goodbye to the tears. Goodbye to the days of not wanting to wake up. Most importantly, goodbye to the girl that felt hopeless in a school with so many people that she used to call her friends.